Here are the latest hilarious jokes about Lunarpages webhosting company:
1.Is your website still running ?
A webmaster once siad to me : \"It\'s very hard to create a website, but it\'s so easy to shut it down\".
It is so easy for Lunarpages to shut down your website. No matter how many years you spent, money you paid, hard work you did, they just can.
Mr Vladimer said : \"Oh! We noticed that your website runs on our servers\", so he decided to shut it down.
2.The greatest of all times
Their great plans, their competetive prices, their quick responce and support...Lunarpages is the greatest of all times. When enciant egyptians built Pyramids, Lunar representatives was there offering a Pyramid plan. Lunar soldiers faught against the Natzies in the 2nd world war using the antinatzy plan. Lunar space plan helped landing on the moon during the sixties.
3.It\'s not up to you !
It\'s not up to you to chose what hosting plan is best for you.
Mr Vladimir himself once said : \"We are sorry for the inconvinience\", and then shut down a website. The website owner can\'t afford a dedicated server.\"You have to buy it !\" said Mr Vladimer. Lunarpages does not care for the poor.
4.How Lunarpages Faces Attacks !
They face attacks by shutting down websites haha Mr Vladimir Putin himself - as it turns out that he works for Lunarpages - said : \"Hey ! We have to shut down your website because,,, maby,,, someone is trying to attack it !\"
5.We Lunarpages have decided to rename our company into Jesuspages !
No more adult content ! Halalooooya
6.They collect garbages too !
Lunarpages system administrators like to sneak on our websites ! from time to time they login secretely into your website ( like night theives), sneak on your files, sniff your database, collect sensitive data then sneack out !
They enjoy doing that.
Mr Vladimer said : \"We have a copy of every email sent by your website on file !\". They collect garbages too !
7. Advice to avoid server loads
The shared hosting offered by Lunarpages is realy a blast !
If you are a former Lunarpages client, you might have noticed that their servers are always loaded. Nerly 99% offline time is garanteed by Lunarpages due to server loads. Please keep your files to the minimum. You need to be careful not to upload JPG images, instead you are adviced to convert to GIF !
8. A broke webmaster once said : \"Be aware of Lunarpages, No matter how many times they ask, do not ever provide the last 4 digits of your credit card !\"
Not very fiew incedents indicates that providing your sensitive data to Lunarpages can have desastrous consiquences on your safety. The responsible staff of accounting are from India and Romania. The webmaster mentioned did provide some extra info too, but data must be protected on Lunarpages.
9. A deseased webmaster last words to his sun: \"My sun! the world of webhosting is full of Lunar Pages...they are everywhere\". They are spamming Google-search with hundreds of fake client-reviews websites full of honey talk about their privelages. They pay a lot of our money to hide their truth.
Try this seach word to see what I mean : \"Lunarpages Sucks\".
10. [B]Lunarpages Domain For After Life ![/B]
Lunarpages do simpathy with people having deadly illnesses. They have their own free helth care program. They even offer : \"A Domain For After Life !\". After they pass away they can still maintain their rights.
11. [B]Lunarpages Anonymous domain registration[/B] Good news for the outlaws ! With the anonymous domain registration offered by Lunarpages you can easily hide your identity from the police.
Just do it and we - The Lunarpages - take the blame for you.
In cases your anonymous website hits hard, they deny you.
Mr.Vladimer said : \"Because your domain is anonymous, you never existed\". The poor webmaster is now suffering from multy personality disorder !
12. [B]Lunarpages Lunched a TV station ![/B] The lunarpages exagitive manager is a big fan of Fashion TV...So he woke up this morning and said \"We love Lunar TV !\"
13. [B]Lunarpages Loans ![/B]
After a huge discouns racing, the Lunarpages hosting plans prices hit the bottom of (0). The exagitive manager of Lunarpages offered loans ! You may get Lunarpages loans coupons from any market or store nearby.
14. [B]Lunarpages Unlimited Storage[/B] Google was very intemitated by the Lunarpages unlimited storage and bandwidth slogan so they decided to get their own webhosting plan up and move it all.
15. [B]Lunarpages Support tickets[/B]
Lunarpages hires more that 1500 tecknicians, about 1491 are for support tickets only !
Support tickets does not requier too much knowledge . You may apply for a job at the Lunarpages support center if you have some ticket skills. A Lunarpages tecknician once responded to a support ticket raised by a customer claiming his own account login saying : \"You bet !\"
16. here\'s a new one :
If you ever decided to host your PHP based website with Lunarpages, be sure to read the PHPinfo carefully because you may have to set :
allow_lunarpages_to_collect_garbages = false hahaha
17. [B]Alright here\'s a new one about the Lunarpages\'s reviews :
A former Lunarpages client wrote in his review : \"Lunarpages Sucks !\".
A representative of Lunarpages called him and offered a abride, the former client adjusted his review to \"Lunarpages Ducks!\".
The representative called back and asked to change again, offering more brides.
The former client adjusted his review to \"Lunarpages F..cks!\".
No matter how you may describe Lunarpages. It\'s still the same ![/B]
18. Here\'s a new one about how Lunarpages disturb thier clients :
[B] A former website owner hosted on Lunarpages was arguing -all the time- with a Lunarpages support assistant to keep his website alive :
\"You Lunarpages dont let me take a rest !\" he said. \"I can\'t sleep at night wondering if my website is still running... They bother me with hundreds of system messages, tens of suspentions, southands of billing receipts, and after all I wake up to find my website down !\"
Later, the Lunarpages support assistant passed away. The website owner attended his fumeral and said on his soul \"Now I may rest in peace !\"
19. In the memorial of the Lunarpages masicure against their own clientswebsites, the Lunarpages victems gathers every year at the same day to light up candles and pray for the souls of their beloved ones.
Many of Lunarpages victems are still wondering for the destiny of their beloved websites wich have been captured and held in Lunarpages camps, never allowing to visit them or just have a look at them...
\"I am helpless\" says Mrs Katrina, \"My website has disappeared completely, I don\'t know if it\'s dead or alive, they don\'t let me login to my account to retrieve the remains of my website...\"
Another victem has been informed that her beloved website had suffered all kinds of pain and torture by the Lunars, they beaten it to death, teared it out, sucked it\'s blood, and burned it\'s remains with fire...\"I don\'t have a grave to weap at\" she said, \"they took everything from me...\"
The Lunarpages victems gathered tonight with the tears in their eyes, praying for the soul of their beloved websites.
Lunarpages Victems Raise The Voice !
20. 30 days no money back guaranteed !
I bought this shared hosting plan a fiew weaks ago from Lunarpages,,, I installed Joomla CMS and started to post articles. I noticed that someone else is browsing the website too what made me feel strange because it is not even published to search engines and nobody knows about it .. Afetr I finished my design I went to bed happy. I woke up the next morning to find that the Joomla template is corrupt. Contacting Lunarpages support -from my long experience with this company- is a wast of time so I desided to change hoting. I contacted Lunarpages asking a quick refund and cancellation of my account. They use to guarantee \"30 days money back\" and it was the third weak then, they kept ignoring my messages for another week until they reply finaly came : \"We are sorry but you no longer elligable for the pay back !\". You can never understand the way they cross you.
Lunarpages is a double stantard company. And the funny thing is \"keep billing them and get suspended,,,ask money back and keep host !!!\"
20.Our voices need to be heard
We, the Lunarpages victems, are raising the voice against the Lunarpages policies. We have the right to publish all kinds of critisism and disclaimer about Lunarpages policies through this forum because they don\'t allow us to be heard on their own forums.
They shut up our voices on lunarforums, by banning us or having our posts modified.
We need honesty.
We need the truth about what is going on Lunarpages...
Let Lunarpages clients express what they experienced with Lunarpages, let them talk. I\'m sure a lot will come out.